Monday, October 12, 2015

Seasons and Internal Spring: Thoughts on feelings.

“ Mingle a little folly with your wisdom; a little nonsense now and then is pleasant.” – Carmina Horace

 “That is one of the most beautiful things to watch: when autumn dew fall on the lotus leaves and shine in the morning sun like real pearls.  - OSHO

Everyone around me gushes about their love of fall. I love spring.  I always have. I’ve spent this week thinking on the concept of  Internal spring.” Creative fertility (of living, writing, being. learning, and experiencing) and the freedom one finds when not letting go of FEAR, but embracing that it exists, but does not rule your decisions, thoughts and actions.

Gratitude to me, is having both the opulence of dream and the conservative protection of fear. These three things are the triad for living fully aware and yet still operating from a place of grace, trust and love for yourself and others.

Limitless wisdom and intelligence is within your grasp. There are novels, movies, recordings and scientific experiments, texts, genius people and so much more.  But don’t forget the simplicity that exists just outside.

I hear the birds and their imminent chirp right when the sun starts beaming through the leaves and reflecting light and shadows after the fog and clouds have moved on like everything does.

I see the prismatic colors of everything. There is so much life and energy in that which makes up ONE color. I paint, which means I now understand color much better, and how difficult it is to create the exact pigment or hue of something I want….but nature creates beauty by accident or  by sheer perfection at the pace of my heartbeat. And it happens simultaneously!

One of my favorite Viking Runes is “The seed of the new is in the shell of the old.” The imagery alone is what grabs me, but the meaning again is limitless. Every day is new; every thought created in each new moment takes on newness in form, that’s why patience and meditation and taking time to ruminate on things is never wasted. The image was something I made in July after meditating. It's now in one of my paintings. 

We are really just asking for the new to present itself, even if in the shell of the old…because what grows there, that seed, is renewed perspective with the intuition or magic or knowledge gained in the time between it’s inception and it’s reassessment. That to me is limitless hope.

To me it means that even if THINGS don’t change as you “want them to”, everything is minute by minute  changing and new impressions and ideas are picked up, handed out, sent through and received. Sometimes without our  conscious awareness, it makes subtle suggestions from a blade of tall grass dancing in the breeze or the sound of a baby crying suddenly evoking new feelings you’d never felt. Thus These are the seeming minutia that make every new day, hour and minute, a seed of the new.

The only thing you have to do is to recognize your life as such and to SLOW DOWN. BE MINDFUL and re-engage in those three emotions:


All of them stem from love of some kind.

Gratitude is rooted in a love for yourself, therefore the pleasing and humble feeling of thanks for all the things you value (read: love) and all that has brought you to where you are now, present and able to seek, find, give, or receive love of all kinds.

Fear is the bodyguard for your inner soul. Fear is the rational and irrational part of your being that serves only to protect and stop that horrible thing from happening…that unthinkable, painful emotion called “Hurt”, which itself has many bodyguards like “Anger” “Sarcasm” Silence” “Withdrawal” Attention seeking, and “projection.” –  only naming a few.

Dreams... Dreams are my favorite existence. When you break it down to the very core, they are just uninhibited perspective. A dream or dream state is a place where “anything is possible.” The innocence of being childlike and believing in mystery and magic and sensing that there is a certain connection woven into everything.

In dreams (like those of a child) our inner world is the framework from which everything just…is. Moms, dads, siblings, parks, moment to moment, life is happening and ever changing. There is no shame or doubt or lack of self-love.

“ This is the only distinction between the dream and the real: reality allows you to doubt, and the dream does not allow you to doubt.” – OSHO (Zen master)

Dreams are what set us apart from say a dog, monkey, or dolphin ( maybe)…where one can creatively imagine all kinds of scenarios that are unbound by limits, or perceived judgments and failure.

I don't claim to be anything other than human, with feelings and the conflicting thoughts and behaviors that create this dynamic of being fallible and still yearning to be better for myself, my kids, and maybe, just maybe offer some perspectives or even sharing certain lessons.


"Shimmer with a smile. Life is hard, bloom anyway."


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