Thursday, July 23, 2015

Grace is living in your shit. Aura Pictures and the reading that read me right! (now.)

There are two things I need to say before you read this:

1. Shit is about to get WEIRD.
2. I have ZERO expectations of being understood anymore. Feel free to laugh, chuckle, cringe, or maybe if you can dig deep, open your mind a little and sit with it, see what you think…either way. I’m here-in that beautifully weird place.

A friend of mine, Alex Myles writes for The Elephant Journal.

She posted this recently. She has this fantastic way of bridging that "esoterically fuzzy" place with the palatable masses in a way we understand. (Yep. I said "we.")

Anyone who knows me well, knows I’ve always been a misfit. A good friend of mine of twenty-two years said last winter: “If anyone was going to experience something like this, it’s you. Seriously, your husband and I talked and laughed about it yesterday.”

I won’t go into details. I don’t presume anyone cares or would even believe half the stuff I would write. Instead, I’m half way done with a trilogy in the fantasy/Sci-fi/thriller/who-knows-what genre.

“The Metanoia Trilogy: Spider, Nymph and Dragonfly.”

The synchronicities  in the book, all the things happening and gifts that keep falling in my path since my life fell apart are amazing. I’ve never felt more lost, scared OR MORE BLESSED.

I am  now in the state of mind which says:  FEEL YOUR SHIT. I mean it. SIT IN IT. Life has been all kinds for me. At the age of five I knew something was “different.” I have evidence and experience of strange, magical, unexplainable happenings.

 My father, I believe, was a soul-connection of mine. We had all kinds of “off-beat” games and tricks. These are NOT limited to him pointing at people when I was five or six and asking me: “Good egg or bad egg?” Doesn’t seem strange, I know…but what was strange is I never got it wrong. (This brings me to a plethora of questions as to so many dating mistakes I made, and when I lost this ability, ha!)

He and I had strange pacts, and languages and yet were distant too in a bizarre non-affectionate, formal way. I bet we hugged less than thirty times after I turned fifteen, yet I’ve never been closer to another human being. His life was a tragic one and has shaped all of us in his life.

My “strange” has gotten overwhelming. My marriage is dissolving legally and emotionally. My creative side has exploded again, and I feel like some strange conduit of all kinds of things, but mostly, love and acceptance.

I’ve lost pretty much all my friends, but gained some family for life. I’ve lost the clear plot of what I’m supposed to be doing; yet I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin. I scare people who are close because being extremely sensitive (that’s code to those who smell what I’m steppin’ in.) because it removes a veil of privacy. I can be quite invasive without trying or wanting to. It’s complicated and hard, but beautiful too.

Between strange metaphysical events with many witnesses, or my new ability to read ruins and tarot and auras, or predict a thing before it happens, (this is good and absolutely horrible too) I have begun to paint too. It helps. It’s a different form of meditation. I also learned a lot about stones and crystals and that “goofy” stuff, but buy in or not, I believe that energy charges in everything. That said, I recently went to Sedona Arizona.

It felt cliché, but also interesting. Not shocking at all, it wasn’t the EXTREME spiritual or life-altering event,  nor was it a serenity-now trip. Quite the opposite it was busy, and jam-packed and physical and I didn’t make it to the hotels amazing pool in the middle of the Boynton Canyon Vortex!
I was busy on jeep trails or hiking three hours in a storm to get my art-stones to Cathedral rock! I wouldn’t change a thing, but as all things in my life lately, nothing goes as planned.

I did have an amazing encounter with a woman and owner of a gem/precious stone store. She offered to take a picture of my aura and do a reading and I kind of rolled my eyes at first. It’s funny how skeptical one gets the more one understand the esoteric. It’s so counter-intuitive.

I did it though. She felt “right.” She was the real deal, unlike so many good and ill-meaning people selling their services. I, for one, am not here to prove a thing to anyone…even though I document and take pictures and voice record EVERYTHING now. Ha. More so, to prove to myself I’m not in a psychosis or dreaming it all up.

Below is the image. 

Here are three snippets of her reading.  Even if you aren’t into “this stuff. “Even if you don’t believe in auras (electromagnetic fields present on all things, proved in science and the focus of a huge study at Princeton, where mainstream is getting more comfortable with energy fields, light work, eastern medicines and practices) this reading blew my mind.

"Old Soul/Give it back" (1min 40 secs)                                                                  

It's fascinating! I’m not a reiki practitioner, in fact I didn’t even look up what colors meant for about five months after I started “feeling” them. Same with “feeling” other peoples thoughts and emotions. I didn’t want to be swayed or get psychosomatic with it. I liked it being pure. I also thought I was losing my mind or having a midlife crisis so I spent months trying to debunk and rip it all to shreds. That failed.

I knew I was blue. Green heart, but blue, so it was fun to see if she got it “right.”  OHHHHHHHHH, she did.

She called my “shit” out. She knew my life history, she knew where I am now, and how confusing it all is.  Is there a chance I’ll be laughing with my two cats  in a tent smoking Virginia slims talking to myself about “when I thought I was evolving and lost my life?” Sure. There’s a chance.

There is also a far bigger chance that I finish this book, launch this art business and surrender to the process. That life sucks sometimes, and it cracks you open and you have the choice to run or sit in it. I’m here. It stinks, I’m scared and I’ve never, not ever in my life felt more alone and on the outside of everything, but I believe. I believe in love, I believe in the universe and angels and spirits and God or whatever name you call the energies that created all this beauty. 

I believe that I’m lucky to have such a messy and mesmerizing life. I believe that there is a sacred beauty of truth in looking your ugly bits square in the eye. Acknowledging your deepest darkness is the only way to find the huge light inside that meets your willingness to deal your worst. It’s laws of nature, balance and the universe. I believe that.

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"Shimmer with a smile. Life is hard, bloom anyway."

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