Thursday, July 30, 2015

Expectations: Part 1 - Attachment to Outcomes Kills Magic.

Life is so bizarrely beautiful. These are the little nudges of the universe and the divine intelligence that helps us move along our way. I love it as magic too. Or sacred truth that reveals itself only to those who are ready and open. Once you see the magic and once you believe there is an entire orchestrated symphony of miracles and beauty that jumps out everyday. It is the laws of attraction or boomerang effect.

It is the power of thoughts and faith.  Many of us walk around looking at things, seeing them, doing them, but never really embracing the whole of it. We see each day as a new page or a long string of days leading up to whatever the next big “Event” there is to look forward to. This is so wrong.

I myself used to do it. I would say: “I need something to look forward to.” I’d focus on a vacation coming or a holiday or anything that presented hope, and every time I found I was somehow disappointed. Why? Because the external way of getting to a certain timeframe or an expectation is never fulfilling. It is only fleeting. It can be a great time or a wonderful experience, but the true fulfillment in our soul doesn’t come from having GOTTEN there. Instead, we get sad, and disillusioned again when it’s over.

I still do this although I know better. I actually do something worse: I start to get sad and upset BEFORE it's over (the vacation, experience, trip, movie, song) because of its impending ending! I don’t even stay in the moment to enjoy the twinkling twilight of whatever it is before it comes to a close! Instead I begin to mourn the its impending being "gone"…it’s laughable really. More so because I am so painfully aware of it.

The thing is that looking forward to something, reaching for some get, some goal, some ambitious thing is celebrated everywhere. Everywhere you look there are lists of “how to get that bikini body in three months.” Or “How to live more harmoniously.”

Honestly, I love lists. I write them, I get them published too, but ultimately the whole point is in the not doing. Even NOT DOING is trying too hard at something and holding yourself up to a control or some measure that eventually will upset or disappoint you when you reach it and need to come up with something else, or worse, feel like a failure because you couldn’t do it.

It may be a difficult concept to grasp. I’m not saying “Goals are bad.” Or “Don’t ever strive to be anything.” I think those behaviors and innate survival tactics are present no matter what we try to tell ourselves. I’m not saying eradicate them.

I like the idea of “Considerations.” Try considering that by being in every single moment you are actually more purposeful, more joyful and more in tune with all that is happening that your goals, dreams, love and intentions manifest themselves. Intention is so much stronger than goal. It has less pressure, and allows for acceptance and non-commitment to the outcome. That’s the key I think.

Detaching from the outcome of a thing may be the hardest thing I’ve every tried to do. Even in having a conversation with someone we subconsciously want an outcome: “To make him or her feel better.” Or “To get the latest news on an issue.” Or “To feel connected” and when perhaps life or their mood or their intentions are different and the conversation shifts to something unexpected we may leave that conversation feeling down or unfulfilled. Why? Because we had some expected outcome attached to it.

 If we didn’t, the gratitude and sense of being IN the conversation no matter how it went, would be enough.  I used to have a boyfriend in my twenties who was fifteen years my senior. He would always say, “We need to just manage expectations.” I bought into it for a long time…I thought, yes. If we make expectations clear, then all will be clear. Wrong. 

I think he was onto something, but not quite ready or able to articulate what he wanted to say in the relationship. I now understand that the best possible way to deal with anything and everything in life: “Have NO expectations.” 

So many people see this as a negative. It’s understandable to see that because it may it sound like: “I will LOWER my expectations of you, or this situation or this relationship to make it tolerable.” That is true in some sense, but it is also very untrue.

I see letting go of expectations as a gift of  freedom you give to the universe to do...well, what it does anyway!

Nothing really goes according to plan when we try too hard to control, grip and manage it. It is only when the hold is loose, the mind is calm and the energies around us are flexible and malleable that the unthinkable just may happen. It’s the boy scout of life. “Be prepared.” But I would add to it
“Be prepared for anything, but expect nothing and flow with whatever is meant to be with full trust.” 

That’s that. 

It seems simple. Most people could probably argue a million different reasons as to why it’s impossible or that the world would fall into complacency and non-action and nothingness. I say the exact opposite.

Expectations: Part 2- "The Boogey Man in Relationships."


"Shimmer with a smile. Life is hard, bloom anyway."

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